


Be Ashamed

by HarmoniaChimera



Series: Why? [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: 'Natural' Disasters, Animal Death, Animals, Fear, Gen, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Natural Disasters, Oil, POV Animal, Sad Ending, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 15:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17664962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarmoniaChimera/pseuds/HarmoniaChimera
Summary: Remember that BP oil spill in the Mexican Bay some years back? Can you imagine being one of the wildlife trapped in it?





	Be Ashamed

**Author's Note:**

> As summary mentions, this is about the BP oil spill from 5 years ago, and yes, it was written 5 years ago so I’m very sorry for the poor English, I sucked at it back then.
> 
> (And I can't review and rewrite 'cause I cry every time I read this thing...)

“Mommy! Mommy!”, I cry as the explosion sweeps up the sea. Mommy is nowhere to be seen; air’s heavy and hot. I can’t understand–what has happened? In one moment all my world went out and changed in a way I could never imagine–sky, blue and cloudless up till now, is covered with black dust, the red glow in the north fills me up with fear. All I want is to escape, to fly away, but first… I have to find Mommy.

And so I see her: she swims out the water, so far away. I start to run on the surface, I want to fly to her, but then I see a big wave coming from the north. We have always liked waves–as they fall, they water us with pleasant cold. I’m happy to see Mommy having her favorite shower until I realize the water isn’t clean anymore–the wave’s dark, there’s red substance on it. ‘Blood’, I think, petrified with fear.  
“MOMMYYY!” I cry, but I can’t do anything—the wave falls on her, pushing her into the water. I hear her trying to say something, but her screeches alter into a weak gurgle.

“No, no, no, no, no…”–it’s the only thing I can say, while swimming ahead with eyes stuck on the place, where she disappeared. I move my legs as fast as I can, but the further I go, the harder it becomes. Water is thick here, oily somehow, and I realize I have gone to this bloody area, where everyone dies.

Suddenly, I see the black beak and then Mommy swims out in front of me. She’s lying inertly on the water and I feel my heart breaking. Mommy, shivering in the cold, covered with overwhelming black, looks at me from beneath heavy, sticky eyelids, and her eyes are misty.

“Mommy, Mommy!” I nudge her, trying to wake her up, but it doesn’t seem to be working. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” I want to tell her that I’m sorry, that I love her and I don’t want her to go there, where you can never return from; but my throat is squeezed, and her name is the only word coming out.

And when I’m sure she won’t ever move again, Mommy raises her head. I look at her hopefully, I want to hear her voice, telling me everything’s going to be okay, but her beak is glued by that awful black blood. She only nudges my chest, silently–so awfully silently–forcing me to go. And when she pushes me away from the bloody area, she lies down again, looks at the sky for a moment and closes her eyes. “MOMMY!” I cry again and suddenly feel the words fleeing from my beak. “Mommy, I’m sorry, so sorry, Mommy! Don’t go, please, Mommy, don’t leave me alone! I don’t wanna be alone! I DON’T WANNA BE ALONE!”

The only answer I hear is the bubbling sound, when her carcass sinks into the waves.

* * *

Dead bodies everywhere. Red sky, black water and my lungs screaming in pain. ‘I have to survive’, I say to myself, 'I have to survive for Mommy’. I repeat it, over and over again, until the words are engraved in my mind, but I’m stopping to believe it. Survive… it was so simple when orcas were our only danger. Now they lie on the shores, breathing heavily in agony, and I feel infinitely sorry for them.

“I have to survive…”–but it’s the last time I say it. ‘I can’t survive, I’m gonna die!’ I realize and I’m surprised I don’t care at all. All my foes have turned to friends for me, and so has Death. Maybe it’s real what they say? Maybe we all go to one place after dying? Maybe I’ll see Mommy again?

The memory of her white feathers covered with that strange black blood makes my eyes wet. Vision becomes blurry in one moment and I don’t realize I’m now swimming north until the water becomes thick again. Shaking head clears my eyes and suddenly I see before myself that big, scary construction, raised here by humans. It’s burning and collapsing into the sea–and, for my surprise, it’s bleeding with that awful blood that killed Mommy. I feel rage, overtaking my mind; my eyes covered in red, I start to swim.

“I’m going to give that monster the final hit! May it die as Mommy died! May it lie as orcas lie, waiting in agony till Death comes to take them! May it SCREAM as WE ALL SCREAM!”

Suddenly, I stop. I see humans there. Some of them stand still with fear in their eyes, other ones run in panic. One lies on the floor, burning.

I can’t move–I have never seen humans before. Why don’t they do something? Didn’t they create that monster? They know how to put it down, don’t they? If so, then why do they stand still or panic, when world is going to end? WHY DON’T THEY DO SOMETHING?!

I’m so engrossed in that view I don’t realize at first that black blood is slowly covering my feathers. I start to panic, trying to shake it off, but it’s sticky and the harder I try, the more of my body it takes over.

“MOMMY!”, I scream in panic, but then I remember… There’s no Mommy to help me. There’s no Mommy.  **No Mommy.**

Humans notice me drowning in black substance and they look at me, when I try to stay on the surface. I want to spread my wings and fly away, even though I can’t fly well, but strange blood is in my feathers, too heavy so I could ever move them. I suddenly understand–it’s the end. I’m just little seagull, what can I do?

I stop fighting and let my body sink. Humans are just standing, watching me die and I feel strangely sad. Underwater isn’t as beautiful as I have remembered. There are no fish and no infinite blue now. Water is dark and scary and so… empty. There’s no-one there. No-one to see me, no-one to pity my end.

As the last breath of hot air is gone, I feel strange. My chest hurts… Memories start to take over me. Dark water alters into pure white, and I see shattered egg all around me. Mommy looking at me with pride in her eyes. My first flight, when Mommy pushed me off the shore… My first swimming by Mommy’s side… Mommy feeding me… Mommy… Mommy… Where’s Mommy? Mommy, it hurts… Mommy, where are you? Mommy, come, comfort my heart… I don’t want to be alone, Mommy… I miss Mommy, why isn’t she here?

I miss Mommy so much… Will I see Mommy again? Will Mommy be waiting for me? Is there anything, anything on the other side? Is Mommy there?

My eyes closed I see something. Is that Mommy? Is that really Mommy? I smile, hoping to see her gentle beak on my cheek. But it’s not Mommy. I see humans, they’re standing in the black water, and Mommy’s body, floating right before them. Pain shatters my heart. Don’t touch Mommy! Leave Mommy alone! It isn’t just a carcass, it’s my Mommy, you can’t touch her! Last spasm shakes my body as I try to stop them in my mind, but I can’t. Humans stick a pole into Mommy and throw her into a black bag. Raging, I curse them. “Be damned! Be ashamed!”

Hope escapes from me, taking my life with itself. I see Death, coming to me, and she looks like Mommy. I’m enraptured by Mommy’s sparkling, but somehow sad gaze, and her eyes are so peaceful I want to sink into them for I wouldn’t feel that pain anymore. ‘Mommy’s here,’ I think, ‘Mommy’s here with me.’ Mommy puts her beak on mine and says quietly: “Everything’s gonna be okay… Mommy’s with you.”  
  


 

You, who read this, please remember my story. Please remember my pain, please remember Mommy’s body floating dead on the water, please remember orcas on the shore, sunk in the agony. And remember our scream, our shared silent scream from the last minutes of our lives:

**“Be ashamed!**

**Be ashamed to be human!”**


End file.
